On LD, spouses and shouting

Question: How do I nicely ask a mate with learning disabilities to not shout at me?

My answer:

Well,it depends on what the LD is and why they are shouting.

In most cases, you can tell the person the same way you would tell a mate who is not LD not to shout: Please don’t shout.

There are some LD (including NLD) where a person has less ability to tell if they are shouting. Here you might want to try “Did you know you were shouting?”

But, of course, in some situations, a lot of people do shout, whether or not they are LD.



  1. Kathleen Donohue says

    I think that The NVLDed depend so mightily on their words to reach out to and interchange with others, that their frustration, anxiety, sadness and anticipation about failing to communicate provokes a mighty yelling habit. There are constant mismatches between the NVLDed and their “listeners” caused by authentic disaccord about salience, zealotry/sense of mission and intensity, etc. Pragmatic communication “deficits” are often impatiently chalked up by NTs to be recalcitrant personality or character flaws. The NTs’ self pity that they are being made to suffer, imposed upon, and, even, manipulated by The NVLDed should be seen for what it is. It is a heartbreakingly nasty show of ableism. The NTs’ ignorant convictions that The NVLDeds’ “personality or character flaws” (vs pervasive drives/ways of being) justifies theur mistreatment. Apparently, impugning, belittling, disrespecting, discrediting, dismissing and unilaterally limiting conversation are acceptable NT ways of dealing when they feel aggrieved. Unfortunately and too often, The NVLDed have internalized this and believe the ableism to be understandable, not brutally unjust. The NVLDed then, trying to accomodate the NTs’ restrictions and demands, end up yelling, because, after all, the impulse to reach out and communicate with others is vital, unending and, very human, too.

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